Coping

The Empowerment of Acceptance

By Betty Mathews, DrPH

Four and a half years ago, Macular Degeneration intruded upon my life. What a devastating experience to realize you will never see again with the same kind of vision you have always had. I spent many days grieving my loss. This was an automatic and normal response, as I understood that grieving one's loss was part of the emotional healing process. It is necessary before acceptance is possible. My grief often turned to anger as I tried to complete a task that normally took five seconds, now took ten minutes or not completed at all. Considerable time passed before I could come to terms with the reality that this was my future. Not long there after I was feeling very self-satisfied with my progress as I had arrived at a level of managing my life that was reasonably efficient.   The pitfalls of denial, excessive dependency, and the  "poor me" attitude had been avoided. Low Vision devices enabled me to see what I needed and wanted to see. I believed that I had really accepted visual impairment and was making the best of it, even if the best was nothing to rave about, nor was it something I would choose.

There were, of course, a number of things I could not do, but could do without, if reluctantly. One of these, for example, was giving up my favorite breakfast grapefruit, especially when I had a grapefruit tree in my backyard for the first time ever. The problem was cutting loose the fruit sections so the special spoon would work easily. My visual helper often cut four or five grapefruit halves, loosened the sections and filled my refrigerator so it held little else. While I appreciated this effort, it was not a viable solution. Shortly thereafter I found myself cutting the grapefruit sections without thinking and slicing many things efficiently with the electric knife that I had disowned as if it were the enemy. I was completing tasks now that I could not do before.

Why was this? Certainly my vision had not improved. I searched a number of days for an answer before insight occurred with shocking revelation. My focus not only had changed, it had done a forward flip!

I was now focusing not on what I had lost, but on the vision I still had. I realized that I was far from being totally blind. In fact I would never be totally blind. I was making up for much of the vision loss I did have by using available low vision devices, special lighting and using contrast to my advantage. Now what I could see was more important than what I could not see.

I truly thought that I had accepted Macular Degeneration and its limitations long before this and that I had adjusted accordingly. Now I know that was not true. I had been focused on the negative. It continually amazes me that when we permit the negative to control our thinking it colors the way we see ourselves as well as the way we see our world. It is the way we think that determines our reality!  When I allowed the negative to control my thinking about what I could not see, I created much of my own helplessness. This experience suggests to me that acceptance occurs in stages. Following the initial shock of at diagnosis there is grieving for one's loss. This stage is vital because it begins the process of emotional healing. This is aided by the flow of tears from time to time, by support groups and by expressed understanding of family and friends.

The second stage that emerges seems to be anger. This may take the form of stress over tasks that one is no longer able to accomplish, and the awareness that many others tend to treat you as though you were an invalid by over-helping in ways unrelated to vision loss. 

As grieving and anger recede one moves on to a learning stage that may include information gathering, classes, discovering new ways to do common tasks and evaluation by a low vision expert for devices to increase vision. As one learns, there is a growing self-confidence that one can manage life satisfactorily despite limited vision. At this stage I was sure that I had accepted Macular Degeneration and the life I had created was satisfactory.  Upon further evaluation I realized that I was not totally satisfied my progress.

Only then did I grasp that still another stage in the process of acceptance was ahead. I now needed to take possession of low vision as part of myself, to identify with it, to own it, to change my picture from a negative to a positive view of myself with impaired vision. No longer was Macular Degeneration an intruder. It is during this stage that one experiences true acceptance of one's self and others with visual impairment. This is Acceptance.

True Acceptance is Empowering. It pushes a person to explore, to test and to discover the possible. It frees the thought processes to reach beyond the limitations that were there before. As a result one's life is positive, more rewarding and more interesting. This empowerment potential is within each one of us. It is well worth looking for within one's self. The way you think creates your reality. The way you think about Macular Degeneration changes the nature of its limitations. You can change your reality by changing the way you think about your life with Macular Degeneration. 

Betty Mathews is a Doctor of Public Health and Professor Emeritus, Behavior and Health Education, University of Washington. Currently, she lives in Green Valley, Arizona with her dog Sasi, who owns the home they share.

A time was when seeing with my eyes made it possible to accomplish the goals of every day living. More often than not vision occurred without my awareness. It was as if seeing is being. As my vision dims, other than sight is required. More and more the mind comes to the rescue by finding new ways of achieving goals for which sight alone was used. Thus, the title FROM MY MIND'S EYE was coined.

© by Betty Mathews, DrPH 2004